Gods of Egypt

A thorough lesson in exaggerated ambition and the negative effect of overblown visuals on the nature of the viewer's experience. Few contemporary films have so stirred in me the dilemma of whether Hollywood requires audiences to go to the cinema to see its expensive, highly marketed products because of what they say, or because of how they say it. Gods of Egypt, from a (formerly) A-list director, applies a huge amount of cliché and genre certainty to form the skeleton of its plot, only to be treated without a second thought to visual effects that look inadequate for the budget, unemotional fight or romantic interludes, two famous actors' faces, and a bunch of B-movie slow-motion or sped-up scenes that are rather counterproductive and often uninteresting and irrelevant in relation to the story. What the film can be credited with, however, is certainly its action-oriented audiovisual verve, which throughout its surprisingly short 120 minutes makes it at least a worthy product of unpretentious and mindless cinematic entertainment. Not in the style of last year's Mad Max, which manoeuvred on a far more coherent yet far less hackneyed plot platform, but rather as the formally unbridled masturbation of its creator, who had seen a lot of similar fantasies and tried, for more money and at a faster pace, to create the most modern and honest sibling for them. What would the Wachowskis, for example, have given for something like this in the sci-fi field last year. 60% (2016-03-05)

How to commit commercial suicide. 1) Choose a theme that will be of interest to a few Igor Chauna fans, 2) have the screenplay written by the guys who ruined Dracula and let Vin Diesel hunt witches, 3) fill it with wooden actors and write absurd lines for those who are not wooden, and, just to make sure, dress them up in potato bags, 4) summon a director who dissolves the budget into a show of incredibly over-embellished digital sets where almost no camera movement feels natural. The rest will take care of itself. After an hour, I stopped having fun laughing at the hellish naivety, which had lost all of its charm. Even the parade of tanned busts and whitewashed Egyptian deities did not make it anymore merciful. The most absurd blockbuster of 2016, without a doubt. (2017-01-20)

When I was thinking about how I should review this movie, I looked at the reviews of the newish Clash of the Titans, to which I gave four stars back then. But then I realized that one star was given to Gemma Arterton, who showed off in any way possible. Here, there were not enough chicks for my eyeballs. There were some, but nothing that would dazzle you. On the other hand, it is exactly what you might imagine. Only with the difference that Alex Proyas is not low-grade, and so he turned Gods of Egypt not only into a fantasy, but at times into a sci-fi. And I have to say that I didn’t mind. A pleasant and pretty movie wind down that is story-wise crazier by the minute. And that’s good. Because you don’t know beforehand what you will get. (2016-05-25)

An opulent fantasy with great actors and unbelievable drive. The ultra-baddy Butler enjoys his every sentence and the catchphrase-spouting Thwaites/Coster-Waldau duo isn’t too bad either. Elodie Yung is damn hot and more than suitable as the goddess of love. Action like in a video game, but with some great ideas and the CGI environment (jungle/desert/underworld) changes so often that it doesn’t get boring. A nice surprise and I’d gladly watch it again. Proyas is good at fairytales too. P.S.: Grampa Rush is cool. I am not one God, I am all gods! (2016-03-02)

I didn’t have high hopes for this film, but it surprised me by not being as bad as I expected. It was a cross between Prince of Persia and Ancient Egyptian Transformers. Gerard Butler and Kingslayer were excellent, and I even had a few laughs. I wasn't exactly blown away by it, but I was having fun the whole time, so a 3+. (2016-08-24)