John Carter

Hollywood is a place of endless possibilities and the most bizarre encounters. Cowboys & Aliens didn’t do so well, so why not throw “Mannequins and White Monkeys” at viewers… A major positive of this remake of Turkish Star Wars is that it is capable of self-irony in its embryonic state. The jokes at the film’s own expense problematise (but do not preclude) the acceptance of the position of a being that intellectually towers high above the trash presented here. Carter’s endless interest is abandoned right from the start just so that the filmmakers can use the hero’s unfamiliarity with his new environment to situate him on the level of Martian toddlers and, in light of their high technical level, the “jumpy” action scenes are helped rather than hurt by the fact that Stanton uses live actors as if they were animated characters. For the same reason, the film’s most entertaining “hero” is a hyperactive half-tonne dog. The timing of the crucial moments is rendered according to the handbook for novice screenwriters, while the wooden acting and fast-food philosophising with a glaring attempt to justify mass murder (what’s the fuss when it’s for a good cause and the poor perpetrator is driven by personal trauma?) simultaneously serve as ammunition for those who consider contemporary American genre movies to be an evil comparable to the near extermination of the buffalo and the invention of Facebook. As a result, we can alternately enjoy how the film is both self-aware and unaware of its own silliness. Really, I can’t come up with enough rational arguments to form a shield that would deflect the comments of those who consider John Carter to be a feeble-minded mess. But no one can take those two hours of spectacular entertainment and reminiscing about reading adventure novels from my grandfather’s library away from me. Thanks also to nostalgia, this time I didn’t get the unpleasant feeling that comes with the knowledge that something so exceedingly lame must have cost $250 million to make. 80% (2012-03-07)

Not surprising in terms of plot, but still a visually stunning fairy tale with great music, an unsympathetic main character and quite pleasant humor. I don't know if it's worth writing about all the things John Carter rips off or does not rip off, because its plot is simply told using familiar, time-honored techniques that, let's face it, we've come to expect from sci-fi/fantasy. Among the best scenes are the first steps on Mars and the whole next part, in which Carter meets Tharky and which has the atmosphere of Lawrence of Arabia (seriously!), I liked the spectacular battle interspersed with flashbacks, and the ending just as much. All in all, in my opinion, Andrew Stanton's first feature film fared much better than his colleague Bird, whose Mission: Impossible - Ghost Protocol was very disappointing. (2012-11-15)

It's a wonderfully positive and magnificent affair, unfortunately with a very poor script and dramaturgy. I can only give it an average rating for a few things that will be deeply embeded in memory: the visual effects (a mix of Avatar and Star Wars), the adventurous music, and the mythology to some extent. Don't expect any great performances, because there aren't be any. Taylor Kitsch is one of the most plankish actors in Hollywood, but it's unbelievable to say that occasionally he is also likeable. I don't understand those 250 million and I understand that the return is meager. It's a classic popcorn movie through and through, but without transcendence, proper catharsis, groundbreaking ideas, or political incorrectness. And that's generally not in fashion today. In the 90s, though, it would have been a hit. (2012-06-18)

A forgotten sixth-rate classic, whose excessively lukewarm reception from the audience showed that its time has long passed. And it's a damn shame, because the hero John Carter, the tough guy Kantos Kan, or my childhood love Dejah Thoris truly come to life on the big screen in all their beauty. The haphazardly cut timeframes scared me a bit in the first few dozen minutes, but once everything settles on Barsoom, the sides are divided and the jumping, slashing, and heroic speeches to the crowds begin, all becomes clear. A successful blockbuster takes place between two worlds, transforming the ancient cult into a spectacle full of lines, action, and very well-done moments (the battle cut with a flashback left me with my mouth wide open). We may not get a sequel, but one story for us adventure-seekers will remain. (2012-03-12)

A princess (from Mars) and I have been catapulted into a world inhabited by little green men, where they shoot with ray-guns and they have funny-looking dogs. Exactly as I had imagined. John Carter is pure pulp fiction, the type I grew up on (I read two books from the Carter series). Maybe it leans more toward being a fairytale, but the important thing is that the story is nicely predictable, easy to follow and entertaining. It was one of the first of its genre and finds it really difficult to come up with something original, but Stanton did a good job anyway. I didn’t have much trust in Taylor Kitsche before seeing this movie, but he surprised me, as did Lynn Collins and the greenies. The monsters didn’t have that Star Wars stamp on them and they certainly are no substitute but stand alone in their own right. Carter is passable as a piece of history. What a nice wedding it was. (2012-03-19)