AVP: Alien vs. Predator

Oww. Utter idiocy and Anderson's unintentional handbook for "How to not make a great movie, or any movie at all". Anderson takes two of the MOST BRUTAL sci-fi creatures and throws them into a PG-13, places the story on the ground, which matters not one bit because the whole thing takes place in the parrot-eyed bowels of some kind of pyramid, and throws in a hodgepodge of characters so stupid and unsympathetic as fodder that you struggle to identify with at least a nearby piece of ice. To find so much as a relationship with even one of them is a task for the greatest masters of empathy, because when they're not commenting on what we're seeing, they're analyzing facts at the level of elementary school children (first grade). The relationship between them is always implied with one shot of about a second and that's the end of it. Another certainly calculated move was to pick from these maximally murderable characters the absolute most nerve-crawling and make her the protagonist and the predator her pet. Then we can indulge ourselves solely on the action, and there are two action scenes... one of them an absolute mockery of the aliens as creatures and isn't worth much, and the other one with the mother of the aliens is actually pretty good (that's probably the one star). All in all, AVP is a terrible B-movie, unlike the decent second installment, but it makes itself out to be a big-budget film and I won't forgive it for that. Dreck shit crap evil. PS: The film contains an incredibly funny scene where a pyramid hologram appears in front of everyone in the briefing room and Weyland says: "Our leading experts have learned that it's shaped like a pyramid." Why didn't any 14-year-old boy get a job on the script… (2004-08-31)

The Alien is degraded to a drooling hopscotch, leaving the remnants of its sophistication in the original tetralogy - and mainly because of that, Anderson loses again with me this time. While the unsympathetic main characters acquaint themselves with the chilling environment and themselves, it's more boredom than a major annoyance. But when the alien newborn hatches a few minutes after meeting the facehugger, the queen agilely runs around and the predator senselessly respects the insignificant human, I wearily bury my head in my hands and leave. Shameful. (2004-12-28)

For a horror movie it lacks even the slightest hint of atmosphere and, for an adaptation of an action game (or a comic book), it’s lacks action. Perhaps only the makeup deserves praise. A boring and uninteresting B-movie that you can see hundreds of on the shelves of video rental stores. Anderson was able to dishonor two legends in one film, so hopefully some skillful predator will find him and exact personal satisfaction for defamation. (2007-02-10)

Paul W. S. Anderson has directed another one of his classics, which doesn't really stray from his abilities. It's a shame that the story is unbelievably banal because the duration it takes is otherwise too rich. It needed more thought, then people would appreciate not just the great masks. This film only shows that for the new millennium, Aliens and Predators are lost for now. (2015-01-20)

Alien vs. Predator is surprisingly well-filmed with nice special effects, dynamic editing and brisk action. And though the first fight between the Predator and the Alien was unwatchable, it still filled me with the rapture of my teenage years. What drags the film down to the level of average, however, is the UNBELIEVABLY stupid screenplay. The fact that Paul W.S. Anderson only steals wouldn’t matter so much, but the way that he sticks the stolen bits together with even more careless glue is a sight to see. With a better screenplay and longer runtime, this could have been excellent entertainment. P.S.: I was a bit bothered by the overall “humiliation” of the Alien race. Personally, I have more respect for it than I do for the plodding Predators. (2004-11-08)